Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize