jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
