I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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