remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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