i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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