I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
