This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
