Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just had sex bonerless
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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