there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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