Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
