the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
your like the ambassador to my penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
