Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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