That's when you crack a 10am beer
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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