hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
