Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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