Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
