I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
