You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
