1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
