if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
