Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
