Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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