I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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