So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
