Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
