you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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