Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
