ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
