the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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