hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
