After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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