the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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