I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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