he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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