Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
