the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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