she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize