I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
