having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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