Its about making memories worth repressing
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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