Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am naked and annoyed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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