My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
