Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She bit a glass in half.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
