Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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