Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
