Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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