There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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