My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
