then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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