but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
