So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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