you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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