a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
