we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
