you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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