I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
