I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
