Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
