It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
