I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
