I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
