I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
