This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We left an ass print on the piano.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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