Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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