He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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