something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I would fuck him just for his dog
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
